Okay, I've been back in the States for awhile now and I'm running out of excuses not to update this thing. But, I do in fact have lots of important things to say today, so hopefully it's a worthwhile read.
I learned more in Haiti than I could ever list on a blog, but there are two things that stick out when I think about what I would share with my friends and family here.
1. I learned that my faith is incredibly small when I compare it to the faith of so many Haitians that I met.
2. Many Americans, including myself, are impoverished in ways they do not realize--perhaps even more impoverished than so many Haitians who have no food, clean water, or medical care.
Let me explain. Haiti is the poorest country in the Western Hemisphere. Before I landed in Port-au-Prince, I could not have imagined the suffering that I got a tiny glimpse of during the week I was there. The poverty is heartbreaking. People are dying because they do not have clean water, food, health care, or even a structure that can qualify as a home. Materially, the many Haitians are truly impoverished, and this is very difficult for someone who truly follows Jesus to ignore.
One day, as I was painting a house, I asked a Haitian man who spoke English what Jesus meant to him. He very matter-of-factly told me that Jesus is simply everything. He is Lord, and he is to be depended upon for everything. Robinson often wakes up in the morning with no food and no money to buy it, but at some point in the day he'll bump into a friend who happens to have some to share. He surprised me by saying that he doesn't even pray for food, because Jesus already knows what he needs to survive. He spends his time praying for other people, that they would be healed of an illness or come to know Christ as their savior. Robinson has seen a woman healed of malaria and has even survived a terrible motorcycle accident himself (he has pretty terrible scares and crooked bones to prove it). Haitian people have little hope of finding adequate medical care. There is no 911; there are no specialists. But Robinson says that doesn't matter, because "Jesus is the best doctor". When I think of my understanding of my chronic illnesses and occasional financial worries, I realize that my faith is so small compared to Robinson's. I construct safety nets in my life so that I never have to really be desperate. Am I completely dependent on Jesus for all my needs? No way.
It's amazing to see the differences in how a Haitian and a "North American" will respond to a problem, whether it be sickness, danger, hunger, etc. Our response is usually to call 911, to dip into our savings or retirement, or count on the government to bail us out. We always have some sort of worldly solution for our needs, while the Haitian response is so simple: Haitians pray before they do anything else. It makes so much sense to them, yet is so foreign to us.
That's why we're often so spiritually impoverished here. We look for answers, safety, and comfort in what the world has to offer, not Jesus. Many of us (including me) do not really believe Jesus will heal them or meet whatever other needs we have. Sometimes, I do drop everything and pray, but not nearly enough. I still look to the world for far too many things.
Through my pilgrimage to Haiti, God has mercifully opened my eyes to my spiritual poverty. And although we are called to care for the poor and eradicate poverty in Haiti and elsewhere, I'm beginning to realize that I would rather be materially poor than spiritually poor. I need to be desperate for Jesus--we all do.
Well folks, welcome to my first attempt at blogging. In case you're wondering why on earth I've decided to put bits and pieces of my life on the internet (some of you may know that I try to be a private person), it's mostly because I stole my roommate's idea to keep my family and some friends involved in what I'm doing with my life. So, I know at least my parents and my grandparents will be reading this, and if that's all, I'm okay with that. In all honesty, the thought of anyone who has access to the internet reading this is kind of scary. But I'm branching out--apparently blogging is the thing to do now that we're in the 21st century.
I should probably explain the lack of English titles thus far. They're references to Matthew 8:19, where a teacher of the law says, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go". And it's in the very next verse that Jesus replies, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head".
The constant changing of locations that comes with living at college has only gotten harder for me with time. No matter where I am, I always feel like I have one foot out the door. Since my freshman year at Trinity began, I've spent time in Peotone, Palos Heights, Georgia, and Champaign-Urbana. I leave for Haiti on Saturday, I will hopefully visit my roommate in LA this summer, I plan to spend my last semester in Ecuador, and there's an excellent possibility that I will leave Illinois for a few years as soon as I graduate. I'm very blessed to have all these opportunities to travel to and live in so many different places, but I never thought I'd end up feeling rootless. Spend time with me a day or two before I pack to leave again and you'll probably find that I'm not in a good mood, and it's not just because I hate packing. I love to travel, yet I long for a greater sense of permanency, and it's safe to say that the moving around is not ending anytime soon.
So what's a girl to do? Follow Jesus. In a sense, I feel like I can hardly complain, because he has given me the opportunity to fulfill so many dreams. And when I find out that the pursuit of those dreams isn't what I thought it would be, he is there to remind me that I'm still waiting for my permanent home when the redemption of all creation comes to completion.
More than that, though, I'm learning that as I pack for each new location, I already have what I really need--and that's God. He is omnipresent, which is a fancy way of saying that he is with me wherever I go. Even though God's plans, especially for the next couple years, are turning out to be very different than my plans, I'm learning that it's okay. I'm not alone. I have the Creator of this earth with me wherever I go in it.
One final thought. Jesus had no place to lay his head. He was always on the move. So whenever I feel transient and rootless, all I have to do is think of him and know that he must have felt that way sometimes too.
Sorry it's a little rough...I'm hoping to get better at this. Next time you hear from me, I'll be back from Haiti and excited to share what God has done in me and through me. And perhaps a little more tan. :)
